Change In Plans

I have spent the past month in the Bahamas doing an intense yoga training and I have decided to stay at the yoga ashram to do karma yoga.  Taking my course this month was life changing.  I had a month to learn about myself and my past, a month to work on my trust in God and to heal.  I think being brought up Christian meant that as an adult I never made a decision to believe in God.  When my dad died I lost all of my faith – there was a little glimmer that would make me feel guilty to say I didn’t believe in him but that was it.  I just couldn’t understand how a loving, compassionate God could make someone suffer and be in pain for so long.  I still don’t fully understand why my dad had to go through that, but I do know that it has made me into the person that I am today.  I am loving, compassionate and supportive, always making an effort to improve the lives of others.  Often times I compromise my own interests and well-being though, especially these past few years in the fitness industry.  I tend to push myself to the max and take on too much because I have this burning desire to do more and be more.  Although the schedule this past month was rigorous, the yoga and meditation allowed me the opportunity to really slow down and to spend time focusing on my inner self.  As my course came to an end I found that I was not ready to leave.  I have sacrificed a lot these past few years in an effort to help others and need to spend more time healing and focusing on myself.  In the end, I know it will make me stronger and able to help others in an even greater way.  I feel like I am in the perfect place at the perfect time – like there is no other place that I should be right now.  I am not sure how long I will stay but I know there is more to learn on this journey and just like I knew I needed to stay, I will also know when it is time to go.  I can already feel a positive shift in my thai yoga massage practice and my creativity is sparked.  I am so excited for what is to come, what I will learn, how I will grow, and my journey closer to God/understanding my spirituality.  I understand this is not a traditional path and it is difficult for family and friends to understand but just know that I am deeply and truly happy here, and in all my travels and moving around – I finally feel like I am home.

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